Second-guessing ourselves.
All of sudden, it seems like a lot of 1Ls I know (both at NYU and elsewhere) are second-guessing their decisions to attend law school. Some started questioning their plans after seeing their fall grades and others seem to be doing it in anticipation of those grades. I think the greater impetus, however, was Winter Break. Each of us was given three or four weeks to reconnect with the people and places of our pre-law school lives. More significantly, each of us reconnected with our pre-law school selves. I can't speak for other students, but I really liked version of me who flew to New York in August. I don't act much like her anymore, though. Sure, at some basic, fundamental level, I'm still the same person, but I definitely I present myself differently than I used to. Anyway, the August version of me got me here and I feel like I've been neglecting her.
I have a number of close friends who are in the process of making life-altering decisions (new jobs, grad schools, etc.) and talking with them, I realized I've been extraordinarily lucky with the big decisions of my life. I think a big part of that luck came from following my instincts. I chose my college in part because of financial reasons, but also because it was one of the friendliest and most welcoming places I'd ever been. My first thought when I visited the campus was, "I could be happy here." I also recognized pretty quickly that it was a good environment for overcoming the stifling shyness I felt in high school.
I accepted my job in DC not because I expected to be happy there, but because I thought the experience would challenge me in ways that I needed to be challenged. During college, I'd visited the office I ended up working in and I'd met people who had skills that I thought I had the potential to develop. I wasn't always happy there, but the experience forced me confront a lot of my weaknesses.
And now, I'm here. I chose NYU for many, many reasons, but the fact that it seemed both friendly and challenging was a big factor. I knew that I'd be happiest at a school and in a city that offered more than just academic challenges. And, while I may not have predicted my persistent insomnia, nagging feelings of inferiority, and the ever-present concern that I'm not working hard enough, I am happy here.
I'm happy, but I'm also feeling antsy. Now that I've gone and patted myself on the back for all these good decisions, I should also point out that I'm not challenging myself outside of the classroom. It's very possible that that's the way law school is supposed to be, but I don't think that's the way I'm supposed to be and, it's certainly not what the August version of myself was looking for in this experience. So, I'm in search of new challenges and adventures, but I'm not quite sure what kind I'm searching for. I'll keep you posted.
I have a number of close friends who are in the process of making life-altering decisions (new jobs, grad schools, etc.) and talking with them, I realized I've been extraordinarily lucky with the big decisions of my life. I think a big part of that luck came from following my instincts. I chose my college in part because of financial reasons, but also because it was one of the friendliest and most welcoming places I'd ever been. My first thought when I visited the campus was, "I could be happy here." I also recognized pretty quickly that it was a good environment for overcoming the stifling shyness I felt in high school.
I accepted my job in DC not because I expected to be happy there, but because I thought the experience would challenge me in ways that I needed to be challenged. During college, I'd visited the office I ended up working in and I'd met people who had skills that I thought I had the potential to develop. I wasn't always happy there, but the experience forced me confront a lot of my weaknesses.
And now, I'm here. I chose NYU for many, many reasons, but the fact that it seemed both friendly and challenging was a big factor. I knew that I'd be happiest at a school and in a city that offered more than just academic challenges. And, while I may not have predicted my persistent insomnia, nagging feelings of inferiority, and the ever-present concern that I'm not working hard enough, I am happy here.
I'm happy, but I'm also feeling antsy. Now that I've gone and patted myself on the back for all these good decisions, I should also point out that I'm not challenging myself outside of the classroom. It's very possible that that's the way law school is supposed to be, but I don't think that's the way I'm supposed to be and, it's certainly not what the August version of myself was looking for in this experience. So, I'm in search of new challenges and adventures, but I'm not quite sure what kind I'm searching for. I'll keep you posted.
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