North Maple Rag

This afternoon, I had to do this negotiation thing for my Lawyering class. I think it went well; I'm happy with the settlement, my client's happy, and the opposing "lawyer" seems happy. The negotiation itself was pretty chill. I think we both went into with similar ideas of what a fair outcome would be. In addition, we were both incredibly friendly and laid-back during the conversation. Afterward, we discovered that our collaborative attitues were motivated primarily by a mutual fear of harsh criticism during our upcoming group critique sessions. Part of me was kind of hoping that my negotiation partner would be crazy and I'd get a chance to yell or storm out of the room. Oh well.

The most alarming part of the exercise was my realization of how woefully out of practice I am when it comes to any kind of professional interaction. I think law school has made me overly casual. I spent much of this afternoon calling offices in DC about summer jobs and it took two or three calls before I was able to fully slip back into my old professional phone demeanor.

I'm a little worried that I've also forgotten how to interview. I haven't actually had an in-person interview since my junior year of college. Even then, the most difficult interview was for a campus leadership position and while that interview was tough and certainly important at the time, I don't know that I should count on it to have prepared me for my law firm interview this week. All the interviews for real jobs that I had during my senior year of college were done over the phone. It's not that they weren't challenging, it's just that I usually conducted them while lounging on my couch and wearing pj's.

So anyway, if you talk to me today or tomorrow, try to work in some hard-hitting questions about my work experience or my research and writing skills. I need all the practice I can get.

This weekend has had a little bit of everything. I went to a fun party Friday night and probably had a bit too much to drink. I slept very late Saturday morning. I went to a museum. I ate a big salad at Whole Foods. I found a cool bookstore near my apartment. I read a lot of Peace Like a River, which is fast becoming one of my favorite novels. I did homework today. I started to get my job-searching and interview stuff ready for this week's trip to DC. That means I made my own unofficial transcript 'cuz NYU won't issue them for 1Ls. Somehow, typing up my own transcript feels like cheating. Now, I'm listening to The Be Good Tanyas, sipping a cup of tea, and trying to finish my property assignment.

All in all, the weekend's been relaxing, fun, and productive. I'm glad it worked out that way because the next few days are going to be a little crazy. I've got this simulated negotiation thing tomorrow and there's a fair amount of work that has to be done right after that. I've signed up for three law firm recruiting events and I'm going to DC on Wednesday for an interview. I'm planning to spend the whole day down there so that I can meet up with a few friends and former co-workers. I've also got a kind of pesky assignment for the public interest auction committee. Um, on second though, I wasn't nearly productive enough this weekend.

This poem from Gaudy Night by Dorothy Sayers has been floating around in my head all weekend. I don't really know a lot about poetry, and it's rare that lines from poems pop into my head. In fact, the only other time I can remember this happening is after I did a rather extensive group project in the eighth grade about Nothing Gold Can Stay by Robert Frost.

Anyway, I've read the Sayers poem many, many times and I always notice something different (today, I'm caught on "if thou spare to smite"). It's not the best poem I've ever read, but I like it a lot. Also, when I did a google search for it, I only found it in its entirety in one place. So, I'm posting it here, just in case someone else finds themselves trying to remember all the words.

Here then at home, by no more storms distrest,
Folding laborious hands we sit, wings furled;
Here in close perfume lies the rose-leaf curled,
Here the sun stands and knows not east nor west,
Here no tide runs; we have come, last and best,
From the wide zone of dizzying circles hurled
To that still center where the spinning world
Sleeps on its axis, to the heart of rest.

Lay on thy whips, O Love, that we upright,
Poised on the perilous point, in no lax bed
May sleep, as tension at the verberant core
Of music sleeps; for if thou spare to smite,
Staggering we stoop, stooping, fall dumb and dead,
And, dying so, sleep our sweet sleep no more.

I spent much of the afternoon at the American Natural History Museum. Until today, my only experience with the museum was in books (it's important in The Catcher in the Rye, right?). My favorite part of the museum was the Spectrum of Life in the Hall of Biodiversity. Check out the crustaceans, the spider crab is especially disturbing.

Actually, I was surprised by the number of things in the museum that genuinely scared me. I tend to think of myself as fairly level-headed and outdoorsy, but all sorts of "natural" things terrify me. Eels, tapeworms, sea lions, jellyfish, anything with more than four limbs (or any number of tentacles), the list goes on and on.

Anyway, despite my fear, I had a great time. I'm not a scientist at all, but I think I at least partially understand the allure of scientific study. It seems like the study of science (especially biology and ecology) would generally involve a great deal of wonder (at least, that's what I felt much of today). I'm content to spend my academic and professional life immersed in law, politics and history, but I'll admit that studying the origins of life and the universe would be pretty fascinating.

Historian that I am, my second favorite thing about the museum was the quotes from Teddy Roosevelt that fill the walls of the its rotunda. I've included one that fairly accurately reflects my thoughts today as the title of this post. To see more, click here.

Due to his recent post, The Head Kid asked me tonight if I've ever posted anything about the uniqueness of growing up in South Dakota. I haven't, really. Like him, I'm usually the first South Dakotan new aquaintances have ever met. Over the years, there are several things I've brought up in conversation that non-South Dakotans have generally found to be odd. Here's a short list:

• First things first, I'll always use the words "pop" and "supper." Also, I pronounce "root" the way it's supposed to be pronounced (rhymes with foot).
• Head cheese, 'nuff said.
• Kuchen -- best dessert ever.
• I like places so flat you can see the curvature of the Earth.
• I've helped clean animals my dad killed and I've gone hunting with him once or twice.
• My high school prom (and other formals) included a "grand march." All the couples were announced and we then paraded through the auditorium. Much of my town attended.
• I've had school called off 'cuz it was too cold. It wasn't that there was too much snow (it was too cold to snow), it was just so cold that kids who had to stand outside waiting for the bus were at too much risk of losing a digit to the cold (think 30 below zero or so).
• The most beautiful thing I've ever seen is the combination of a golden wheat field, a stormy blue sky, and green grass. It's breathtaking.
• My high school has a "legend" that we perform, complete with strobe lights, at homecoming. It's about two Native American tribes coming to the shores of the lake near town. They fight and then decide to merge. According to the legend, all the current high school students and alumni are members of that tribe. Okay, even I admit that's kind of bizarre.
  
• I know everyone in my state. Well, that's not entirely true, but I doubt there's anyone from whom I'm separated by more than one degree. The SoDak name game is fast and fun. Ask anyone at NYU -- the few people who've previously known or met someone from SoDak have been amazed that I generally know or have met that person, too.
• Going to a potluck dinner? Well, you're not cool unless you bring a "hotdish" (known in some parts as a "casserole"), "bars" (cookies or brownies made in a cake pan and cut into squares), or a "salad" (lettuce doesn't suffice up north, you need make that salad with noodles, fruit, vegetables, jell-o, mayonnaise, raisins, nuts, dairy, meat, or some combination thereof) .
  

Well, that's all I thought of off the top of my head. I'm sure they're are other things. I'll post them some other time.

UPDATE: My part of SoDak (the Glacial Lakes and Prairies Region) really is where it's at. Tourism was up nearly 40% in some parts last year (proof). It seems the world is finding us.

1. The O.C. is a good show, but when y'all split a bottle of wine, The O.C.'s awesome.

2. Law school is exactly like junior high (except, there's more homework and we don't have to deal with high school when it's over).

I got a box from home in the mail today and it was filled with cookies! Cookies that my mom baked -- she sent them fast enough that they're still soft. Yum. Thanks, Mom!

I got some stuff done today, but not a lot. That's okay. I finished some of my reading. I signed up for housing for next year. I'd really prefer to live off-campus (that's not really the right term since NYU doesn't actually have a campus, but you know what I mean), but registering for the housing lottery still seems like a good idea. I went to a law firm event. I didn't want to go, I didn't even mean to sign up for it. But, I realized too late that I had and according to NYU's rules that meant I had to go or else send a letter of apology to the firm. I went to the gym. I took care of some bank errands. I mailed my dad's birthday present and a cd I burned for a friend and told her I'd sent weeks ago. So actually, that's not too bad for a day that I very easily could've spent sleeping.

I also found out that a place in DC wants to interview me for a summer job. I'm trying to set it up for next Wednesday when I will again not have classes. I don't enjoy making the trip to DC alone, but no one I've talked to so far is able to go. Anybody want to go to DC?

I have no classes today. In fact, my section's schedule this semester is structured in such a way that I will frequently have class-free Wednesdays. It's exciting, like a mini-weekend in the middle of the week. So far today, I've slept late and watched part of some West Wing and Gilmore Girls reruns. Oh, and a little C-SPAN (did you know that Senator Enzi is the new chair of the HELP committee?). My plan for the day involves several hours of homework this afternoon and a possible trip uptown later, but I'm afraid I might not be able to turn off the tv. I'll keep you posted.

Next weekend my online book club will actually be discussing a book, so I decided today to buy it. The first Barnes & Noble I visited didn't have the book in stock, so I headed up to the one on 22nd Street (or so). The walk would've been nice (it was lightly snowing and wasn't too cold) but I somehow managed to step into the same puddle on 19th Street twice -- once with my right foot on the way there and with my left foot on the return trip. My shoes were gushing water. I did find the book, though, and I'm looking forward to starting it later tonight.

When I got back to NYU, I decided to attend tonight's public interest lecture by Governor Jim Doyle of Wisconsin. It was good lecture. Governor Doyle is endearingly blunt and I generally enjoy listening to lawyers working in public service. More than any other kind of lawyer I've encountered, they seem to be consitently excited about and challenged by the law. Doyle also made reference to his Catholic upbrining and faith several times during his talk and I'm fascinated by liberal Democratic Catholics. My own relationship with the Catholic chruch has been tenuous, at best, for the past few years, but I still grudgingly think of myself as a member. Catholics who are also liberals seem to, by their very existence, demonstrate the challenges and ambiguities of religious identification.

While I was at Barnes & Noble tonight, I started looking through a day planner filled with conversations with authors about their faith. Many authors I respect are included in it and I bought it in order to finish reading their thoughts (plus, it was 75% off). So far, I've found interesting two comments about the formative effects of Catholicism.

The first, from Mary McCarthy:

I am not sorry to have been a Catholic, first of all for practical reasons . . . If you are born and brought up a Catholic you have absorbed a good deal of world history and the history of ideas before you are twelve, and it is like learning a language early; the effect is indelible.

The second, from Mary Gordon:

Flannery O'Connor says that the writer learns everything important to him or her before the age of six. So every day, for however often I was taken to daily Mass, I was learning lessons in rhetoric.

It's interesting to consider how much of my currently not-so-religious life was shaped by my early religious experiences and education. I've also recently acknowledged that what I value and miss most about my undergraduate education is the in-depth conversations about how issues of faith inform and influence individual choices, human conflict, and even the law and public policy. I used to talk and think about religion and faith nearly every day (in class, with professors, with friends) and I'm sad that that element of my academic life has faded. The next couple of books I'm planning to read are all, in some way, about faith and religion. I'm excited about that.

A couple of weeks ago, when my friends from college were visiting, we attended a Lutheran church whose pastor is an alumnae of our college. After the service, we had coffee with her and she's both incredibly intelligent and charming. So charming, in fact, that she gently coaxed me into promising to come back to her church. I've decided that I'm going to make good on that promise. While I don't think I'll ever be a Lutheran, it does make a lot of sense to me to spend time at places and with people who are challenging and thought-provoking. Her church is one of those places.

Anyway, that's what I've been thinking about tonight. Last night's request for music recommendations has thus far been successful (keep sending 'em!), so I'll ask my Augie friends (and anyone else for that matter) to also suggest books that might be helpful with tonight's train of thought.

Well, not really. Nothing in my life was actually cancelled because of the snow, but I did change my plans for the day. I'd forgotten that large amounts of snow automatically trigger my "get stuff done inside" instincts. Originally, I'd planned to go to a movie this afternoon and to take care of some boring shopping errands, but after looking at the slushy, semi-plowed streets this morning, I opted to stay within my apartment and to briefly venture to the library. The snowy streets also prompted me to wash my dirty dishes, tidy up my room, and for the first time this semester, actually finish all the reading I'd planned to do during the weekend.

This evening I did venture out for dinner and I'd planned to go to the gym, but I guess they closed early (or maybe they close early every Sunday night?). I stopped at CVS on my way home to buy nylons and was reminded of just how difficult a task that is. The colors all sound innocuous, but I know from experience that they can end up looking horrible. I also know that the goal for any pair of nylons is that they not be noticed when you're wearing them. Like makeup, they should just blend in (which is why, Hils, I'm not taking your advice about buying fine grade fishnets*). Anyway, I think I have to exchange the ones I bought. I should've thought about this much earlier so I wasn't left picking from the options at CVS.

I returned to my apartment to find that my neighbors had had a baking party and they gave me delicious chocolate zucchini bread and pineapple cake . . . that's the same as going to the gym, right?

I'm now happily downloading new music. I discovered during break that I can no longer listen to most of my favorite music from last semester -- it all reminds me of studying for finals. I tried to listen to Bob Dylan's It Takes a Lot to Laugh, It Takes a Train to Cry the other day and my shoulders immediately got all tense.

If you have any music recommendations, please post them in the comments or email me. I'll try most anything but according to itunes I've lately been listening to The Thrills, The Shins, and Modest Mouse (MM is really just a weak attempt at reliving the glory days of my summer road trip). For those of you who share rather than scoff at my affection for country music, I've also been listening to Lucinda Wiliams, Patty Griffin, Bruce Robison, and Slaid Cleves.


* When I spell checked this post, it recommended that I replace "fishnets" with "viscounts." Huh.

This morning I ran the New York Road Runners Frostbite 7 Mile race in Central Park. For those of you who know just how out of character this kind of thing is for me, I've included proof:



My half-marathon training program happened to require a seven mile run this weekend and I decided signing up for a race would force me to actually run it. I've never run a race before and I was suprised to find that I actually enjoy running with a big group of people. My time was super slow, but it was better than I'd expected. I think that's due in large part to the motivation that comes with not wanting to be the last finisher.

I also kind of like running in the cold. The temperature was in the teens throughout the race, which meant I had ice in my hair for most of it and I had to break through a layer of ice in the cups of water they set out for us every mile. But, it was still significantly warmer than SoDak and after the first mile or so, I was plenty warm.

Right now, it's snowing. NYC might get up to a foot of snow this afternoon. I stopped at Whole Foods after the race and discovered that all of New York was there stocking up on food. The regular check-out line streched across the entire store and was rumored to take 45 minutes (the express line, which I used, was much quicker). A foot of snow is significant, but my mom sent me a photo yesterday that reminded me a foot's not really that big of a deal (yup, that's me approximately 20 years ago).



So, I'm going to take what's probably an illegal dose of Tylenol (seven miles is hard!) and go get cozy in the library. I'll be spending the afternoon catching up on the torts reading I've been neglecting all week.

Oh, and by the way, if you're also stuck indoors this weekend and you need background noise, listen to "Plan B" at This American Life. I'm not the first person to find it, but that doesn't matter; it's still great. Best quote: “People in bars apparently need Cuervo shot glasses and t-shirts to live, and they will do many things to get them.” The second segment also presents a brilliant solution to the problems involved in making sure new friends know all the crucial stories from your life. Check it out.

I've been meaning to figure out how to post pictures and while I'm still a little confused by the process, it worked, so I'm not complaining. This is one of my favorite pictures from last summer's Great American Road Trip. It was taken in Harding County, So.Dak.

Last night I talked with a girl from my section about how both of us managed to get away with only being called on once or twice in our classes last semester. I'd never talked with her before -- we didn't even know each other's names when the coversation started. That was in large part due to the fact that we maintained pretty low profiles all fall. So, guess who the first two people to be called on in class were this morning? You guessed it. First her, then me. And, we both got to answer lots of questions.

In fact, I've talked more in class in the last 24 hours than I did in all of my classes combined last semester. I'm a bit frustrated with my performance this morning. One of my answers was fairly intelligent in my head, but I didn't articulate it well at all. Other answers? Well, I'm glad it's over. A couple classmates told me I did okay. I think they were lying but it's nice to know other students are kind. In yesterday's class, I volunteered answers. More than once. Amazing, I know. It's a testament to how much I enjoy administrative law.

In other news, I attended a panel discussion this afternoon about finding summer jobs related to health law. It was interesting and while I'm definitely interested in health policy, I'm not sure it's what I want to do forever. Actually, I've figured out recently that I have very specific career goals (mostly related to legislative and campaign work) and I somehow I let law school allow me to forget about them last semester. That was foolish; I shouldn't ignore things I love doing. So, the summer job search is on full speed now. If you have ideas for me, please, please share them. I spoke with one of the people from the career services office today. She told me that my ideas for what I want to do this summer and after law school are "creative" and "brilliant," but she also had very little helpful advice for actually making them happen.

The Head Kid has already posted about our presence at the last presidential inauguration, but I'm still going to mention it quickly. I sort of dislike admitting it, but four years ago, I did attend Bush's first inauguration. Despite being at the front of the crowd and paying very close attention to the proceedings, I remember absolutely nothing from his inaugural address. That seems sad, but appropriate. What I remember most distinctly from the day is walking past a protestor who was quietly sitting with an anti-Bush sign on some steps on the north grounds of the Capitol and hearing a very loud Texan yell at her, "You have nothing! Nothing! You hear me? Nothing!" Yeah, I heard you. Four more years. Yippee.

Not only was my lunch conversation nostalgia-inducing, almost everything that's happened today was somehow related to DC. My admin assignment for tomorrow was all about the legislative process. I got to look at my civil procedure final and the part I was most interested in was my professor's comments on an essay I wrote about my job in the Senate. I attended a recruiting event for DC law firms and talked to DC people there. I then emailed a friend of mine who lives in DC and worked at one of the firms last year. He promptly responded telling me about his plans to attend tomorrows innaugural festivities -- ick (that refers to the plans, not the friend). And, just now, I had a nice chat with my roommate about DC's potential for long-term livability.

I've been tossing around the idea of going to DC for a day sometime during the next month. I think it might be helpful to do some legwork on a few summer job opportunities and it'd be nice to catch up with some co-workers. So, I'm taking today as an overwhelmingly direct sign that I should solidify those plans.

I had lunch this afternoon with a former Senate co-worker who is now working in New York. I rarely get to see co-workers and friends from DC, so it was a nice surprise when he emailed to let me know that he's now working in my neighborhood. Lunch was fun -- it was nice to talk about people and places that I don't often think about anymore.

Our conversation got me thinking about all the little things I miss about the Senate. It's a fascinating place to work. Even when I was terrified and overwhelmed by my job (and by Congress generally), I had an extra spring in my step because I believed (and still do) that the Senate's a special place. It has all these unique rules, traditions, and protocol and learning them often leads staffers to believe that they are also special. For me, a big part of the fun of my job came from working in the Capitol. Granted, my desk was actually in one of the office buildings, but I often spent a significant part of my day in the Capitol and I love that building more than any other in DC.

During my two years there, I managed to locate a few special spots in the Capitol and on its grounds:

• The Summer House -- Often called the "most romantic" part of the Capitol complex. I think I even know someone who got married there. Anyway, I unexpectedly stumbled upon it during a lunch hour walk my first summer.
• The Peace Monument -- My favorite monument on the Capitol grounds. It's particularly dramatic during a blizzard. Each morning, my commute included a loop around it.
• The Brumidi Corridors -- Let's face it, the Senate side of the Capitol is way prettier than the House side and it's all because of Constantino Brumidi. The murals on the House side look like cartoons (see here) compared to this stuff. The first time I walked through them, I remember thinking, "Wow, they let people like me work here?"
• The Frieze -- There are so many great stories about the Frieze! People falling off scaffolding and angry artists abound. If you look here, you can kind of see one of its coolest features; one of the artists painted his face into the trunk of the tree on the far right.
• Mountains and Clouds -- Baffling to visitors and beloved by, well, me. The sculpture may not be the world's prettiest piece of art, but it does sufficiently fill what is a pretty huge atrium. So, there's that.

Well, that concludes my tour. Thanks for sticking with me. This is probably boring, but a complete tour would also include my favorite staircase, my favorite committee room, and the Senate subway. We'd finish with a Beekman Place sandwich from Cups & Company in the Russell Building and some bulk candy from the little store in Dirksen.

Sniff, sniff, cough. What a great place.

* I ♥ the Senate as an institution; there are currently about 55 members I don't ♥ so much.

A few years ago, I spent a couple of weeks in London. It's a great place, but I fell ill-at-ease there. As I flew back to South Dakota, I remember watching the land stretch out into the patchwork of the Midwest and exhaling. I hadn't realized it, but I'd been holding my breath the entire time I was abroad. Each time I returned home from DC, I had the same feeling and it happened again last month. I also felt it this summer when I drove from DC to South Dakota. Except then it happened in Indiana when we finally left behind the Appalachain Mountains and their foothills.

I've mentioned the feeling to a few people and I think I may have written about it somewhere other than this blog. After the London trip, I'd thought that maybe I'd just been homesick and that the feeling on the airplane was relief about returning to my family and friends. It's only been recently that I've figured out that there's a special kind of anxiety that can only be cured by the prairie. Anyway, for some selfish reason, I felt like I was the only person to experience it. Of course, I'm not. And now I have proof. M.J. Anderson in Portable Prairie explains it much more eloquently than I have (I hate it when writers do that!):

As the days passed, my fear subsided into a low-grade anxiety that over the years has lessened but never entirely left me. Now, I only notice it when I go home: I see the land rearranging itself around me, relaxing into prairie; the sky unfurling back to its proper immensity, like a fresh white sheet snapped over a bed by competent, vigorous arms. The fear drains out of me. I note, with some surprise, that I have been feeling tense.

Do people who grow up in other environments feel the same thing? I recall a high school exchange student from Norway who would cry because she missed her mountains and I'm sure my friends who grew up in South Dakota's Black Hills have similar thoughts about their mountains. If I'd grown up near the ocean would I feel the same about its expanse as I do about rolling farmland? Probably. But, be warned, the fact that I'm not unique isn't going to stop me from writing about the prairie in the future.

I haven't procrastinated like I did this weekend in years. I've known for a week that I had a memo do this evening, but other than some minimal research yesterday, I really didn't start it until this morning. I emailed it to my professor nine minutes before the deadline.

I spent most of the weekend putzing. I read part of a book that's not assigned for a class. I read the new In Style. I talked to several friends on the phone. I talked to several friends online. I napped. I watched a little tv. I ordered groceries online. I did a little shopping, but didn't find what I wanted (A new suit. Why does BCBG only make suit skirts that are 12 inches long? Sure, they're cute, but they're not really appropriate anywhere).

In the midst of all that excitement, I only managed to accomplish a few things. I finished the memo, my reading assignment for property, and half of my assignment for torts. I washed most of my dirty laundry. I went running twice. That's it. Three whole days and that's all I did.

I almost wish my dad were here to wake me up on Saturday mornings. He used to start with a gruff, "Hey! Time to get up." When I wouldn't respond, he'd get creative. His favorites were pouring a glass of water on my head and blowing a duck call right in my ear. Ahh, what a way to greet the day.

All of sudden, it seems like a lot of 1Ls I know (both at NYU and elsewhere) are second-guessing their decisions to attend law school. Some started questioning their plans after seeing their fall grades and others seem to be doing it in anticipation of those grades. I think the greater impetus, however, was Winter Break. Each of us was given three or four weeks to reconnect with the people and places of our pre-law school lives. More significantly, each of us reconnected with our pre-law school selves. I can't speak for other students, but I really liked version of me who flew to New York in August. I don't act much like her anymore, though. Sure, at some basic, fundamental level, I'm still the same person, but I definitely I present myself differently than I used to. Anyway, the August version of me got me here and I feel like I've been neglecting her.

I have a number of close friends who are in the process of making life-altering decisions (new jobs, grad schools, etc.) and talking with them, I realized I've been extraordinarily lucky with the big decisions of my life. I think a big part of that luck came from following my instincts. I chose my college in part because of financial reasons, but also because it was one of the friendliest and most welcoming places I'd ever been. My first thought when I visited the campus was, "I could be happy here." I also recognized pretty quickly that it was a good environment for overcoming the stifling shyness I felt in high school.

I accepted my job in DC not because I expected to be happy there, but because I thought the experience would challenge me in ways that I needed to be challenged. During college, I'd visited the office I ended up working in and I'd met people who had skills that I thought I had the potential to develop. I wasn't always happy there, but the experience forced me confront a lot of my weaknesses.

And now, I'm here. I chose NYU for many, many reasons, but the fact that it seemed both friendly and challenging was a big factor. I knew that I'd be happiest at a school and in a city that offered more than just academic challenges. And, while I may not have predicted my persistent insomnia, nagging feelings of inferiority, and the ever-present concern that I'm not working hard enough, I am happy here.

I'm happy, but I'm also feeling antsy. Now that I've gone and patted myself on the back for all these good decisions, I should also point out that I'm not challenging myself outside of the classroom. It's very possible that that's the way law school is supposed to be, but I don't think that's the way I'm supposed to be and, it's certainly not what the August version of myself was looking for in this experience. So, I'm in search of new challenges and adventures, but I'm not quite sure what kind I'm searching for. I'll keep you posted.

One of my friends brought me a burrito from this great burrito place in her hometown when she came to visit last week. I stuck it in my freezer and kind of forgot about it. Now I have a huge frozen brick o' burrito. Seriously, the most challenging thing of my day (including researching a memo assignment) has been figuring out how to properly defrost it. Since I have no other food in my apartment, I can't even give up on it. Grrr. That burrito will be defrosted and eaten this evening.

Other than that, I've spent my day sleeping late, absent-mindedly researching in the library, and chatting online (it's bookclub day!). Because of bookclub, my afternoon's been one big discussion of two-stepping to hip hop, manwhores, master bedrooms, baskeball courts, and high school boyfriends. You know, standard fare for a bookclub that rarely reads books. Next meeting we're getting back on track though; Peace Like a River by Leif Enger is now officially on the schedule.

So, it's time to either take a nap or go running. Uh . . . naptime.

UPDATE: The burrito is almost fully-defrosted and entirely delicious.

I just got a package from a friend in Texas that included two cds she burned for me. She'd told me they were on their way and a few days ago she emailed the playlists. However, the music on the cds doesn't match the playlists at all (unless John Hiatt is now a woman). I like whatever it is I'm listening to, but I have no idea who it is. She also sent me a sweater I lent her almost a year ago. I'd completely forgotten it even existed. As a whole, the package wins the "Most Bizarre Part of My Saturday" award.

A couple of my friends have been including paragraphs of seemingly insignificant facts in their recent blog posts. I like reading them, so I'm going to start doing the same thing occasionally.

The new conditioner I've been using does a very good job of conditioning my hair. I bought a new gym bag online, it's light blue and brown. I realized today that I have a knack for remembering almost every conversation I've ever had. My parent's kitchen table is very pretty but sort of uncomfortable to sit at; I still have weird bruises on my shins from it. The word "voracious" means something much worse than I thought it did. Somtimes I like making completely inappropriate jokes. The West Side Highway is a great place to go running and my new running shoes make my feet very happy.

UPDATE: I think the playlists are just out of order. I've been having a good time listening to songs and then trying to figure out which one they are on the list. Favorites so far? New Song: "Wishbones" -- Slaid Cleaves. Song I'd Already Heard: "One Horse Town" -- The Thrills.

I've been sticking to the half-marathon training schedule fairly faithfully, so I decided it was time to invest in new running shoes. I did a bunch of research at Runner's World and I talked to a couple of friends who've been running since high school before I headed to the store. I found out that I need to wear "stability" shoes because I have a tendency to overpronate (my feet roll inward too much when I wear regular shoes). I felt very cool walking into the sporting goods store this evening equipped with a short list of shoes I wanted to test run and words like "overpronate" to throw around. The happy news is that I'm now the proud owner of these. Plus, they were on sale!

So, in all reality, I probably can't call myself a "runner" just yet. I do, however have the shoes and the vocab. On Sunday I'm supposed to run six miles. If I can get through that, I think my new title will be official.

Remember when textbooks had pictures? Remember that great feeling that came with turning a page and finding lots of big pictures? 'Cuz big pictures mean there's not a lot of text. Well, for some odd reason, the authors of my Property casebook felt it was important to include full page portraits of various important legal thinkers. Full page portraits! Just now, when I got to the potrait of Sir William Blackstone, I clapped. I think I've lost my ability to read quickly and the discovery that page 25 required no reading demanded some kind of acknowledgement. I've flipped through the rest of the book and while the pictures are sparse, there's definitely more to come. There are even some cartoons from the New Yorker in there!

I doubt I'll actually end up working in a firm this summer, but there's one that I had some interaction with while I was in DC and they have practice areas that I'm interested in, so I sent them a resume. Actually, they do a fair bit of administrative and election law which are, for now, the only two areas of practice for which I'd be willing to work in a firm.

Lately, I've been experiencing some angst regarding my career plans; I enjoy law school, but I have the too-common problem of not actually wanting to be a lawyer. I think there's a pretty good chance I'm going to end up back in politics and public policy and I'm a little worried about the debt load I've taken on to get this education. Sure, NYU has a great loan repayment program for public servants, but I don't think that'll solve all my financial problems.

I did, however, have my first adminsitrative law class today and I'm really excited about it. I haven't felt this excited about a class since my undergraduate constitutional law class on government powers (hey, I'm consistent). I'm feeling a little better today -- this admin stuff will be helpful if I decide to practice in a firm or if I return to the Hill. It takes a special kind of geek to get truly excited about the legislative process and agency regulations, but I defintely fit the profile. So, I've decided to embrace my geekiness and throw a few resumes and cover letters to firms that focus on administrative law. I'll probably still end up doing something political this summer, but at the very least, I'll have created the impression that I'm exploring other options.

This post from my friend at SMU is the most interesting thing I've read all day. That may not be much of an accomplishment given my Torts and Property assignments, but I think it would be interesting on a good reading day, too. Plus, it proves that there are law students more unbalanced than me.

If you watched The Late Show with David Letterman this evening, you might've heard a "Yay!" when Amy Poehler mentioned Chicago. That was my friend KB. You might also have noticed that Amy Poehler then made fun of my friend KB. Awesome.

Yup, my visiting friends spent the afternoon in Letterman's audience while I read my Property assignment. After dinner this evening, they watched a movie in my room while I read Torts in the library. Life's not fair.

Tonight I had dinner with six friends. I met one of them in the second grade, one in college, one at my job in DC, and three are NYU students I met this fall. Despite the fact that each of them is witty and smart, I was nervous right before we all met up. I'm not sure what I thought would happen. A brawl? Conversations leading them to believe I'm not cool enough for them anymore? Awkward, sullen silences? None of those were likely, but I was nevous nonetheless. Luckily, everything went swimmingly. Everyone looked like they had fun. They said they had fun. I'm choosing to believe they actually did.

So, switching to something completely unrelated, I've had some great mail lately. Some of it was mail that went to my house last fall that I just saw for the first time over break. Here are the highlights:

• My student loan refund check arrived yesterday. There were some miscalculations last semester and I ended up getting a more than I'd expected. Yay!
• I finally saw my rejection letter from Stanford; not only did it arrive weeks after I'd started at NYU, there's a typo in it! I think it was supposed to say "fine academic record" but instead it says "find academic record." Silly Stanford, who needs 'em?
• Despite turning down their offer of admission nearly a year ago, the University of Illinois thinks I'm a student. I received a letter today urging me to set up direct deposit at their financial aid office for my student loan refund check. Uh yeah, I should do that . . . at the school I'm actually attending.
• Retirement savings accounts are just about the best thing ever. I saw my federal employees retirement account statement while I was home and it made me so happy. Whenever I start to feel bad about the fact that I'm living off of money I haven't earned, I can think about that nice little pile of money gathering interest. Woo! Thank you, taxpayers, for matching my contribution.
  

Two of my closest friends (KH and KB) are staying with me this weekend and this morning KH told me that I'm "wired for chaos." We were at brunch and she had just watched me take apart my club sandwich so I could eat the parts I liked (the cucumber, tomato, and bacon). The comment came after I finished eating and my plate was covered in sandwich debris; I thought it was her polite way of telling me I'm messy. Instead, she clarified that she thinks some people are just naturally more comfortable than others among chaos. KH then told me that I have a knack for sifting through the chaos to locate the important stuff and get rid of the crap.

I'm not sure if that's true, but it was a nice thing to say even if it did carry the implication that I occasionally create my chaos. I'm also not sure if I really have a point in writing this, but I've been thinking about the comment all day. I realized that I do enjoy living with a certain amount of uncertainty, I'm comfortable around clutter, and I rarely mind being lost. We're now watching one of my favorite movies and when KH was setting up the dvd player, she noted with amusement that there was a kitchen knife behind my tv and that seemed to be a slight confirmation of my chaotic lifestyle.

The biggest uncertainties right now are my fall grades and summer plans. I've managed to get my grade worries under control and I'm really enjoying the fact that my summer could take me anywhere. I've been looking for jobs in a few West Coast cities, a few Midwest cities and DC, as well as the odd job in Atlanta. I like the idea that this summer could take me somewhere familiar or somewhere new. I'm not sure what I'll be ready for, but I hope I'll have options.

KH gave me a great book for Christmas. It's called Portable Prairie: Confessions of an Unsettled Midwesterner. The author, M.J. Andersen, grew up in my part of South Dakota, moved to the East Coast for college, and has continued to live out here. I've only read 50 pages, but I'm hoping to find some wisdom on the process/possibility of finding and making a home away from the place I think of as home.

This "home" thing is something I've been dwelling on in recent months and I had a needed reality check today. KH, KB and I spent the afternoon at Ellis Island. The place has been cleverly renovated and the National Park Service guides are engaging. One guide in particular got me thinking about my own ancestors who first traveled from Germany to Russia and then sailed to New York from Odessa. There's also a great exhibit of photos taken by and stories written by high school students who have recently immigrated to the U.S. All in all, it was a good reminder that my "home" issues (ooh, there's a word I don't like to use) could be far more difficult to overcome than they are.

Well, this post may not count as chaotic, but it was certainly rambly. I suppose I'll have to shift back to my focused law student mode at some point and stop reading books like Portable Prairie, but I'm going to put that off as long as possible. I've enjoyed reading and talking about stuff other than the law too much to give it up yet.

It's almost midnight and while I know that I kept busy all day, I can't remember much of what happened. I know that I went to the Palladium Sports Center this afternoon. NYU's less nice gym is much closer to the law school, so I didn't make time to check out the Palladium last semester. It's soooo much better. Everything's shiny and new. Also, the cardio room has a big wall of tv's. It's a bit of a hike from my apartment, but I think I'll make the effort to go back. Sometimes I really enjoy quiet when I work out, but I'm going to need distractions on some of my longer runs and the other gym doesn't have tv's.

I also finally bought a crepe at the crepe window down the street. The only other time I've had a crepe was at an outdoor creperie in Potsdam after exploring Sans Souci with friends. I guess it's not really fair to compare the two experiences, so I'll just say that today's crepe was tasty.

After seeing In Good Company this evening, I went to the Whole Foods at Columbus Circle and made a salad at the salad bar. If you're ever tempted to put salmon salad on a bed of lettuce and spinach, I strongly urge you to make sure the salmon salad does not contain dried apricots. If it does and you use it anyway, you will end up thinking the salad's rancid after your first bite. Once you discover that the offending taste is actually due to the apricots, you'll have dig them out of the salad (an annoying and time-consuming task). You will miss some and every fifth bite or so will make you flinch.

As I was leaving the Time Warner Center (home of Whole Foods), I felt a familiar desire to script my life. My two friends and I were riding up the escalator into the large atrium and there was hip, vaguely jazzy music playing (in the soundtrack score of my life, it would be titled "The Exit"). All three of us were wearing black longish wool coats and as we walked toward the revolving doors at the bottom of a huge wall of windows, I had a vision of what would've happened if my life was an action movie. Each of us would've strode toward the revolving doors with purpose, exuding calm confidence and before exiting the building we'd have put on sleek sunglasses. Once outside, I'd have lit a cigarette, taken a long drag and as I crossed the street to Central Park, flicked it over my shoulder without a backward glance. The moment the cigarette hit the ground, the Time Warner Center would've exploded and the wall of windows would've shattered spectacularly.

Alas, I kind of like the building and don't enjoy explosions. Also, I don't own sunglasses. So, I exited chatting with friends and internally fuming over the existence of dried apricots.

Despite the fact that I don't usually like year-in-review type things and that I'm a few days late, I'm still writing this post about my 2004. It was a monumental year for me and I've been thinking a lot about how I'm going to top it in 2005. It'll be tough; 2004 was a transition year and transitions that go smoothly are rare and exciting things.

I started this post over the weekend, but it got to be too long and confusing. So, instead of rambling about the details of 2004, I've sorted out three of the most important things of my year:

1. Travel

In 2004, I saw America, or at least I saw a lot of America. I'd wanted to go on a Great American Road Trip for years and once I'd decided to go to law school, I saw the time between quitting my job and starting school as my a great opportunity to do it. During July and August, I drove from the Eastern Shore of Maryland to San Francisco and then doubled back to South Dakota. During the months I lived in DC, I went on several fun weekend/day trips to places like Chicago, Philadelphia, Richmond, and on one particularly memorable all-night drive to Wilkesboro, NC for Merlefest. Law school was a pretty big barrier to travel this fall, but I did get to spend election day in southwest Florida.

The result of all this travel is not just that I've seen a lot of places (25 states this year), but also that I have a better understanding of distance and location. When I talk to a friend on the West Coast, I'm now able to accurately gauge and visualize the distance between us. I remember feeling oddly patriotic when I finally reached the Pacific Ocean. I think it was because that was really the first time I had any real understanding of the country's size. I've always loved exploring new places and driving is my preferred mode of travel -- it was a good year.

2. Moving

Moving away from DC was an unexpectedly difficult and emotional experience. Despite the frustrations I mentioned in yesterday's post, I had a good life in DC and moving there had been the first big thing I did entirely on my own. In addition, this year marked my first big move that wasn't prompted by a high school or college graduation -- the decision to leave DC was initiated by only my ambitions. I could have stayed in DC (there were opportunities I neglected in favor of law school) and I probably would've been content there. Deciding to go to law school instead of continuing to work in DC meant I had to take big chance on my own potential and rely on a hunch that a law school education would eventually help me do bigger and better things. It was a good decision . . . but also a terrifying one.

3. Friends

I've commented a few times that 2004 was my "Year of the Friend." Because of all my traveling, I was able to visit several far-flung friends over the course of the year. During those visits, I found new appreciation for how singularly wonderful each of my friends is. For the past few days, I've been trying for a few days to identify any common traits among my close friends and I've finally found one; all of them lead lives of purpose and compassion. They don't just plan to look out for others or to work at making the world a better place, they actually do it. Cliches about monies being put where mouths are and pedals being put to the metal were coined for them. They're inspiring and generous, and I'm grateful they keep me around.

My new understanding of distance has also left me in awe of creative ways my friends and I have found to stay in touch this year. Last January, I became a founding member of the Granola Hulks Book Club, the world's hippest online book club (membership is currently limited to nine women who lived on 2nd floor Granskou during the 2001-02 school year). A few weeks ago, one especially creative Hulkster took the time to compile the club's frequent emails and monthly IM conversations from the past year into a book that she then sent to each member. The book chronicles life-changing events like weddings, new jobs, new schools, and big moves. Just as importantly though, it chronicles inside jokes, dumb nicknames, and moments of pure silliness. In other words, the stuff any friendship needs to prosper. In the past couple months, several blogs have also popped up among my circle of friends allowing us to keep even better tabs on the big events, funny moments, and ongoing dilemmas of each other's lives. I am thrilled that despite the distances between most of us, these people continue to play important roles in my life instead of becoming just familiar faces at reunions or yearly Christmas cards.


So, that's it, my salute to 2004. I guess it's not quite as short as I promised. Oh well, here's to making 2005 even better.

I'm not really disappointed to be back to school (friends from DC and college will be visiting and we're going to fill the days until classes start with all sorts of fun New York stuff), but it's still hard to leave home. The last two weeks have been incredibly relaxing, but last night I suddenly felt anxious. It took me a while to recognize that it's the feeling I always get when I leave South Dakota and don't know when I'll be coming back.

That brief anxiety aside, this break has been pretty fantastic. I think a lot of that is due to the fact that I feel much more calm than during any of my other visits home over the past couple years. A couple of friends who visited me in New York this fall observed something that I'd started to suspect shortly after I moved there; I'm much happier at law school than I was at my job. It's not that my job was bad, I just felt frustrated all the time and whenever I visited home I expected those frustrations to disappear. I had this idea that South Dakota was the place where my life was comfortable and DC was the place where it was difficult. It's taken me a while to figure out that it doesn't really work like that. South Dakota, especially at Christmas, is filled with family and friends, and it's familiar. Those things are all comforting but it's unfair to expect them to make my problems disappear.

It was also a bit disingenuous to pretend that I had one life in South Dakota and a separate one in DC. Separations like that just aren't possible. I'm finding it easier to balance New York and South Dakota, although I still have some work to do. I have a sneaking suspicion that a few people there think I've become a pretentious East Coaster. I don't think that's true, but it's something to keep an eye on.

I spent most of my time at home doing the things I love -- driving, taking pictures, lounging, reading, drinking. I also need to keep an eye not entirely neglecting those things next semester. I really didn't like the version of me that emerged in November. She was far too tense. It took a few days longer than it should've for me to bounce back after finals ended and I don't want that to happen again.

Anyway, I've only been back for a few hours and I'm disgusted with how dirty I left my apartment. There's been a great deal of dusting and scrubbing tonight. I've also rememoved several reams of paper from my desk, shelves, and the floor of my bedroom. The place is almost liveable again.

I'm back home. The roads this morning were no longer icy, but instead very, very slushy. By the time I got home, my normally dark green car was entirely muddy brown. The spray from other cars on the interstate significantly impaired my visibility, but I used my well-honed severe weather driving skills and it all turned out fine.

I just went running and I think I'm wheezing (I've never wheezed before, so I really don't know for sure). A couple of weeks ago, I found out that two friends who will be in New York in March are planning to run a half-marathon while they're there. Despite the fact that I've never run anything near 13 miles, I impulsively said I'd join them. So, I've made it one of my New Year's resolutions to actually go through with it. I've done a fairly good job with my training this week. I've got a long ways to go, though. My longest run this week was maybe four miles and I only ran three miles today. I was supposed to run more, but I don't think the authors of my training schedule anticipated that I'd be running on snowy/icy roads in single digit temperatures (the bank sign dowtown said it was 7 degrees at the midpoint of my run). I'd like to say the cold air was "brisk" or "invigorating," but really, it was just painful. Anyway, wish me luck . . . and grace -- this is totally the kind of hairbrained plan that ends with me in a cast.

Due to lots and lots of freezing rain, much of South Dakota and Nebraska's covered in ice. So, my friends and I are staying put. We've rented movies and will order pizza later. It's a good way to start the new year. Last night was fun -- Husker cut pork chops, Fat Tire Beer, Trivial Pursuit, and small town bars -- all the elements for a noteworthy celebration.