North Maple Rag

Last night I typed up a nice, long post and just as I was about to post it, my parents' computer froze. It was late, so I went to sleep instead of retyping it. This morning, I'm in a bit of a hurry because I've got plans to meet friends in Sioux Falls. So, I'm condensing everything from last night's post into one paragraph (assume I had thoughtful and/or witty commentary on each event).

I spent Wednesday in Sioux Falls with college friends. Had a disappointing lunch (the food was disappointing, not the conversation), a sleepy afternoon watching Garden State, and a very good supper. That night, I stayed up late watching Arrested Development, my new favorite show, with my parents. Yesterday, I downloaded a lot of music, pretended to search for a summer job, and ran errands with my dad that included a stop at a junkyard in my hometown I never knew existed. I also saw Meet the Fockers. It was okay.

Today, I'm traveling to Nebraska to celebrate New Year's Eve small-town style. During the past several weeks, my New Year's plans have gone from elaborate to low-key and I'm relieved. Today and tomorrow will be the last times I'll get to do any real driving before I head back to school. The driving has been a very important part of my break. From the beginning, this trip has felt very different, but more enjoyable, than my past trips home. The driving has given me time to sort out what exactly has changed. What it comes down to, I think, is that it's me. I've changed. I'm hoping the trip to Nebraska will help me clarify all this and I might post more on it later.

Anyway, Happy New Year! Cheers!

Tonight, I drove to the neighboring small town where my mom teaches and helped her police a high school basketball game. I asked several times if we got to use tazers or administer breathalizer tests, but it turns out kids just aren't that rowdy in the middle of winter break. A couple of gradeschoolers tried to go into a part of the school that's off-limits, but they simply turned around when my mom told them not to go there.

Driving back, I was reminded how dark that strech of Highway 81 gets at night. I've always enjoyed night driving, especially when the stars are out or when it's a little snowy, like tonight. I've driven about 600 miles since I've been home and I'll drive at least 400 more in the next few days. Going back to New York might be more difficult than I expected; my neighborhood there is never dark and I'm really going to miss my car.

* I had kuchen for breakfast. It's my favorite breakfast.

* We drove through the Crocker Hills on the way back from my grandma's. My dad once told me he wants his ashes scattered there after he dies. I can understand why.

* Exchanging Christmas presents is usually annoying, but exchanging Christmas presents at a jewellry store is fun.

* I saw The Life Aquatic during finals and liked the song that plays during the end credits. It's Queen Bitch by David Bowie. I downloaded it today and am listening to it now. It's a good song.

* In high school, I was inordinately fond of old movies. I rented An Affair to Remember today to see if my tastes have changed. They haven't. It's still corny, but good corny. There's something neat about the idea of a trans-atlantic voyage where dinner is always black tie and people order pink champagne. Whenever I see the Empire State Building in New York, I think of the line, "I was looking up. It was the nearest thing to heaven, you were there." Plus, Cary Grant has the perfect combination of charm and silliness. Oh, this is getting sappy, so . . .

* . . . I came home this afternoon to find a sink full of dead pheasant. That never happens in New York.

* I had elk for dinner. It felt like a first even though I've probably had it before but just don't remember.

It's not often that I quote lyrics from Norah Jones songs, but I heard that one in a movie last night and it seemed appropriate. I spent most of the afternoon and early evening with high school friends -- some of whom I hadn't seen since, well, high school.

Everyone seemed very happy and successful (by successful, I mean they're doing things they want to be doing). I felt really good when I left the restaurant -- I think it's because it's reassuring to talk with people who choose their careers, partners, and areas of study rather than just taking what comes along. Their stories help me believe it's possible to not fall into and be trapped by a job or life I hate. At Christmas dinner, one of my uncles made a comment about it being impossible to find a job that was anything other than just a means for living your "real life." That was a depressing moment, and I have to believe there's another way. Maybe we're all still too young and naive, but learning about my high school friends' lives and choices made me feel optimistic.

Since it was a gathering of former high school debaters, there were also lots of current and former law students. We compared battle stories from finals and I really needed that. My family and non-law school friends have been incredibly patient listening to me ramble about felony-murder and the Erie Doctrine, but it's just not the same.

Day One of my family's three day Christmas extravaganza is over. Christmas Eve has traditionally been the day that my immediate family celebrates together and this year, we continued most of the traditions, with a few additions and modifications.

First, there were constant threats from my parents that "Santa might not come this year" if: 1) I didn't clean my room; 2) I didn't stop swearing; 3) I didn't stop calling my mom names; and 4) I didn't stop fighting with my brother. I dutifully started behaving, as did my brother, who had received similar threats based on his actions.

In recent years, Christmas Eve dinner has been eaten at our favorite local Mexican restaurant. This year, the owners decided to close early, so we ordered take-out right before they closed and had an early dinner at home. The Fiesta Platter and garlic shrimp were just as good as ever.

After that, we stopped by the home of an elderly woman who lived next door to my dad when he was growing up. She's widowed, doesn't have children, and most of her family lives in Europe and Australia (she's originally from Germany). My dad visits her fairly often, but on Christmas Eve, our whole family stops by. She lives in a small trailer home and visiting her is always a lesson in economy. She's lived in the trailer for at least 40 years and somehow, it's not at all cluttered. The things she does have are all perfectly organized and well-preserved.

Each year she brings out German candies for us to try. About half the candy she offers is delicious, the rest is full of liqueur and marzipan (both of which are a little too exotic for our American tastes). Inevitably, the visit includes a moment where I have to pretend whatever I've just taken a bite of is the the best thing I've ever eaten instead of spitting it out. She also likes to buy whiskey for my dad and brother and wine for me and my mom. The whole thing is slightly bizarre, but fun, and I always look forward to visiting her.

After the visit, we set out for "midnight" mass. It's actually starts at 10 and we arrive super early in order to secure a pew at the back of the church. We sang each of my favorite Christmas songs tonight, so that was appreciated. What wasn't appreciated was the priest's overly political and slightly ill-informed homily and the choir's rendition of "Carol of the Bells." Although, to be fair, I hate all renditions of "Carol of the Bells," so I really can't blame that on the choir (the song is scary).

Next, we came back home and opened gifts. Everyone gave thoughtful presents and I think we were all pleased with what we got. I did notice that each of us received a bottle of alcohol (wine, Bailey's, Jagermeister, and Jack Daniels). That, along with the earlier gifts of wine and whiskey, and the fact that my parents spent last night making a huge batch of "Apple Pie" liqueur to give out as gifts makes me a bit nervous about our future rehab possibilities.

Finally, we completed a family viewing of Napoleon Dynamite. It's not a movie I'd have guessed my parents would like, but it turned out all of us loved it.

It's been a good day. Sort of quirky, sort of spontaneous, and sort of funny -- just like my family.

Right now, it's warmest it's been since I've been home (6 degrees, last night it was -13). As someone who has had to pay utility bills, I can appreciate how expensive it must be for my parents to keep our house warm. At the same time, though, I don't really understand why they, under the guise of coservation, insist on keeping the house at a consistently chilly 60 degrees. Right now, I'm wearing a thick wool sweater (so thick I don't even wear it in NY because it's too warm) and I'm still shivering. I think my parents just like to see my teeth chatter and tease me about my "blood going thin" out east. My friend Hans Brix had a post about this when she was home for Thanksgiving Break, so maybe it's just a middle-age parent thing.

At this point, the overheated stores at the local mall seem like a better alternative. So, I'm going out to make one last (probably futile) stab at finding a present for my brother. What would you get a 21 year-old frat boy? Okay, you're right, the answer's obvious. Forget the mall, I'm headed to the liquor store.

UPDATE: Found a suitable and slightly alcoholic gift for my brother. House is still frigid; gloves may be necessary.

I'm sitting on my parents' super comfy couch, reading a book I've been looking forward to for weeks, drinking a surprisingly good glass of cabernet (I took my chances at the neighborhood liquor store), and listening to the Garden State soundtrack. In a little while, I'm going to see if my brother wants to watch Rushmore. Then, my parents will come home and we'll eat homemade chicken noodle soup and breadsticks. Tonight, I'm meeting up with one of my best friends from high school at a local bar that not only has my favorite kind of beer, but sells it for a shockingly low price. Honestly, I'm having a hard time right now remembering why I ever wanted to leave home.

• Shortly after midnight, I ate my first bagel with lox and cream cheese. Yum.

• My second flight departed from the B Terminal at the Minneapolis airport. The B Terminal is reserved for flights to espcially exotic locales. Places like Fargo, Bemidji, South Bend, Peoria, and all the places Northwest flies in South Dakota. First, I noticed that there's a big difference between people who live in the Midwest and people who are only from the Midwest. Esentially, former Midwesterners have little, if any tolerance for current Midwesterners. Second, the B Terminal is a temporary home to far more than its fair share of mullets and holiday-themed sweaters (bonus points if you see both on the same person).

• For the first time ever, I flew into my hometown instead of the larger airport 100 miles away. Today's the first time I've ever seen my town from above. That was great. Also, the "airport" here is awesome. It's a small one-story building and the airplane just pulled right up in front of it and let us out. It was a lot like getting dropped off at a friend's house.

• I've been reunited with one of the great loves of my life -- my car. Sadie the Saturn and I have had many adventures and I think she's as happy to see me as I am to see her.

• My parents have made our house all Christmasy and warm. It's good to be home.

I finished my Crim final a few hours ago and I leave for home a few hours from now. Like all my other finals, this one was fine. I don't feel like I killed it and I don't feel like it killed me. Let the grades fall where they may. I'm hoping that I'll have something psuedo-insightful to say about finals and my first semester of law school once I have a few days' perspective on it. For now, I'm . . . relieved. Cheers!

It's snowing!

I just left the library and walked into what I'm choosing to call a "winter wonderland." I'm so happy that New York came through and delivered the first snow of the year before I went home. It finally feels like Christmas and studying for my last final isn't quite as dreary now.

For those of us from cold-winter places, the first snow foretells all sorts of exciting things: sledding, snowball fights, snowmen, snow angels, and most importantly, snow days. I do understand that snow in New York City is not quite the same as snow in South Dakota. That does not, however, dampen the magic of the first snow. Besides, while there may not be any sledding or snowmen in my immediate future, New York does have the lovely nighttime combination of snow and street lamps (insert contented sigh).

My desk lamp has died. My bedroom only has one very dim overhead light, so this bright lamp that I bought during the first week of school was essential to my productivity. What's worse, is that I got teary-eyed when it flickered out. It's just another sign that I'm not the girl I used to be. I've always considered myself to be fairly resourceful and self-suffient, but that's no longer true. Tiny everyday dramas are now unsurmountable obstacles. The thought of getting myself to Newark in time for my Tuesday flight has been making me unreasonably anxious all day. I just looked at my flight schedule and started whining out loud when I saw that I have a long layover in the middle. There's no one else here. Who am I talking to? Who have I become? The old me is coming back, right? Right?!?

It's that I'm more excited about winter break and going home than I am scared about my Crim final. A week ago, I was consumed with fear about my Procedure final. Fear's a really good thing when you use it to fuel endless hours of studying. Excitement about Christmas just doesn't have the same effect. Oh well, I'll work harder tomorrow.

My Crim outline is finally done. It's messy and probably incomplete, but it's printable. I'll make edits later, if necessary. I just can't deal with looking at my computer any more.

I've accomplished virtually nothing today. I sort of wish I'd just given up from the beginning, watched a few DVD's, and slept. Actually, I did get a little work done this afternoon and I went to a mildly helpful review session. Other than that, I've found many ways to not relearn crim:

Phone Calls: Three friends, my brother & my mom. I'll be seeing them all soon, so that's exciting. Also, my brother gives the world's best advice. I seriously doubt I'll follow any of it, but it's fun to hear.

Email: When someone emails, you have to repsond, right?

Shopping: This was coerced. A friend talked me into helping him shop for a gift for his girlfriend. Well, it was sort of coerced; looking at jewelry's not a terrible way to kill some time. Along the way, I found the Patagonia store in SoHo. That's probably dangerous.

TV: This one's completely excusable. Chrismukkah on The O.C. is an unmissable television event.

Chores: I've basically been living in squalor and now seems like as good a time as any to start packing.

Miscellany: I've spent a fair amount of time staring blankly out my window. I think my brain needs the downtime to figure out which stuff from a semester's worth of civil procedure it needs to keep and which things can be purged.

Sleep: Despite getting more sleep last night than I've had in weeks, I'm exhausted and hitting the hay early tonight. Before midnight. Craziness, I know, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Tomorrow will be better. It has to be. I may even return to the law library. Maybe I can glean some motivation from other students. For now, a great song just came on (In Spite of All the Damage - The Be Good Tanyas) and I've got some staring to do.

A few days before I moved out of DC last summer, I went on a long run on the C & O Canal Path. It was great. I ran farther on the path than I'd ever gone before and I found this cool park alongside the Potomac. I climbed on some rocks and sat there for quite a while appreciating the prettiest part of the river I'd ever seen.

Then, I had to run home. It was painful and hot and just generally horrible.

That's pretty much how I feel right now. I've studied more for these last two finals than I've ever studied for anything and yesterday afternoon and evening I took my first actual break from it. This morning, the thought of starting back up on Crim is, well, painful and generally horrible (it's not really hot, but the library is warmer than usual).

So, I'm taking it kind of slow and eating a really good cookie. That's reasonable, right?

The exam is over. Thank you to everyone who actually sent me good thoughts during it. I was delighted to find emails and voicemails all wishing me the best. It went fine. My grade will probably be somewhere in the middle of the class. I felt pretty confident going in, but I think I could've been smarter answering the questions. The "policy" essay that really wasn't policy at all went pretty well. I think I made some interesting points. The other stuff -- eh, I had answers and they weren't stupid, so that's an achievement.

I've got to head back to the library tomorrow to finish my crim outline, so I'm living it up today. Well, I'm going to a movie and I had a margarita at lunch. That's just about as lively as I get lately. Cheers!

In 14 hours, my civil procedure exam will be over. I'm feeling okay about it -- not confident, not terrified, a little nervous. Send good thoughts my way tomorrow between 9:30 and 1:30 EST. When it's over, I'm going to par-tay. Or something.

South Dakota Magazine has a post up on it's blog about my hometown. Reading it, I was overwhelmed with nostalgia. Maybe it's just because my family's always been big fans of Medicine Lake and I listened to "What's Up" so many times growing up that I can still very clearly hear David J. Law's voice in my head. Whatever it is, I miss home and next Tuesday seems very far away.

I'm sick of the format I've been using for these dispatches. Also, last night I briefly posted a fairly incoherent dispatch so I think it's time for a change. Maybe I'll use that format again, but not for a while.

I'm back at the undergrad library and it's virtually empty. It's 8:45 on a Sunday morning, I guess that shouldn't be a surprise. With the unprecedented table vaccancies, I've found a new favorite window and table. I'm on one of the lower levels, so I can watch the people in the park.

My goal is to finish the take-home essay part of my procedure test before lunch. I think that's doable. We got the essay assignment over a week ago and I immediately had an idea of what I wanted to write about. Since then, I've been letting that idea, uh, percolate.* My thesis has been progressing nicely. I've mainly been thinking about the essay between doing other things and I realized yesterday that nearly all of that progress has happened while I've been walking outside. As I was sketching out an outline last night, I had to stop for a few minutes to remember a really good idea I'd had a few days ago walking back from the library. So, if I get stuck this morning, I think I might head outside for my own stroll through the park.

I also realized last night that I've been using things like doing laundry and going to the gym as "rewards" for productive studying. If I get enough done today, tonight I get to go to the gym and vaccuum my room. Wish me luck!



* I just looked up "percolate" in the dictionary to verify it meant what I wanted. It does. I also found out that its latin root word is "colare" meaning "to seive." Colare is also the root of "colander." I never would've made the connection between those words, but it totally makes sense. Ah, fun times with the dictionary.

Hours Spent at Library: Zero
Tests taken: One. That's right, it was the real deal today.
Most bizarre meal: Lunch -- baby carrots, a granola bar and whipped raspberry yogurt.
High point: Putting my Contracts binder on my shelf, where it will presumably gather dust until I move out in May.
Low point: Hour eight of the Contracts exam.
Lessons Learned: There's plenty of time for a nap during an 8-hour test.
Library Patron of the Day: n/a
Song listened to most frequently: Trouble -- Pink (Hey, I admitted to finding a walnut in my coat earlier today, not much embarrasses me. Also, the song mentions attorneys).
Word of the day: Dispositive.

One final down! Woo! It went okay. There was nothing terrifying -- no words I didn't know or equations I didn't understand. I have no idea how I did, but that's not important, what's important is that it's over and I can now dedicate my life to civil procedure. Originally, I had planned either go to a movie tonight or go out drinking. Well, the movie's sold out and drinking, while enticing, would just be bad. I've got four days to learn a whole lotta procedure and I just can't afford to spend any of it headachey or, let's admit it, pukey. 'Cuz if I go out drinking now, one beer's gonna turn into six beers real fast.

My Contracts professor provided pizza for my class after the test today. That was nice. I wasn't quite ready to start studying after, so I went shopping. I started out toward Barnes & Noble and K-Mart and eventually ended up at Union Square. I thought there might be a St. Elmo's Fire DVD in my future, but the Virgin Megastore didn't have it. I bought part of my mom's Christmas present at Urban Outfitters. Whoa, there's a sentence I never expected to type.

Anywho, I'm feeling a bit more in the Christmas spirt it now. I'd like to say that's because of the Christmas carolers or the twinkle lights, but I'll be honest -- it was the shopping. I know, I know, the fact that I had to spend money to feel Christmasy is so very . . . American. And sad. But, I was buying something for someone else, so that makes it okay, right? I'd thought about downloading some Christmas music, but somehow that seems more sad.

Besides, shopping is cathartic. One of the things I miss most about my pre-law school life is my weekly trips to Tyson's Galleria with my two best friends in DC. What a great mall. Ew, there's another sentence I wasn't expecting to type.

In other news, I found a walnut in my coat pocket. I don't where it came from, but finding it was one of the more disturbing moments of the week.

So, recap: Take-home Contracts exam, pizza, adult decision not to drink, no St. Elmo's Fire, Urban Outfitters, walnut in my pocket, studying. It really is a magical life that I lead.

Hours Spent at the Library: One.
Practice Tests Taken: Two.
Most Bizarre Meal: Dinner -- Diet Dr. Pepper and a Luna Bar. It's a great meal.
High Point: The O.C. Tonight, it featured a school dance called The Snow C. I really, really love that show.
Low Point: Right now. I'm a little stressed about my test tomorrow morning.
Lessons Learned: I should handwrite and illustrate more of my notes.
Library Patron of the Day: Really wasn't there long enough to find one.
Song listened to most frequently: Far, Far Away -- Wilco
Word of the Day: Hopeful.